Katowice – Fahren de Polen

katowice-bier-traveller-76The Inter City Train from Warszawa to Katowice impressed all. Howard no doubt considered writing a letter to Scotrail to ask why they are so crap in comparison. 59Zl, a Tenner each, tickets bought the day before, none of this obscure UK Ticket Pricing nonsense. Brand new rolling stock, comfortable, clean, punctual. A waste bin sat at ankle height between Dr. Stan and Hector, lined with a poly-bag, hygiene. It was even checked/replaced as required in transit. Table service, complimentary coffee, soft drinks. A Dry-cleaning service was available for #1 Passenger who sat three abreast across the carriage. Announcements in English, this was Train Travel Century #21, Gerry Anderson would have been proud.

The clever travel trick is to have a train depart just after checking-out time at a hotel and arrive just on checking-in time at the next destination. Three hours is therefore the optimum journey time between any two European Cities. Katowice fitted the bill. Why are we here? Bernard couldn’t believe the decision, Hector knows best. Hector was out on a limb, the day could go tits up, still one day, only…

The Hotel Katowice impressed last October when Marg and Hector stayed two nights. Five minutes on foot from the station, at the edge of the still being refurbished Main Square, Rynek. Most were delighted to be reminded that we had paid at the time of booking, an even cheaper day. The Single Rooms were brighter than the publicity photos suggested, more than adequate, but no air-con. Open Windae’? Mosquito repellent required tonight. Yvonne has furnished us all with individual bottles of Avon – Skin So Soft, nice. We are a Fragrant Collective.

Katowice- The Tour

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Heading right out of Hotel Katowice takes one towards the large arena of which the citizens are proud. Hector still prefers the smaller venue to the left of the Hotel where Pendragon and other Prog Rock Acts have performed over the years, we’ll pass them by, eventually.

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A sculpture that puzzled us all had to be photographed, beyond this lies the Mining Museum. There was a crowd. (Sorry, Mr. Vonnegut) This is – The Place – to congregate in Katowice. All sorts were waiting to go underground, not us. Mags asked which direction the first pub of the day was. Hector pointed one hundred and eighty degrees to the direction of travel. Bernard no doubt told us a Brief History of Time, or even the Social-Political-History of Silesian Coal Mining. Kenny gets a mention, he is in the group photo, the last we see of him today?

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Across the trunk road towards the University and the vista is pure Poland 1960+, hideous. Howard gets the blame for everything. It takes ages to cross any road, – death to jaywalkers – we are led to believe. We conform, just. Who wants to see the church? That’s it in the distance, it looks the same close up, only larger. Enough. Time to head along the main pedestrian street which is active already mid-afternoon. The Youngsters are out, drinking Bier, well the stuff we are here to avoid. We pass the spot where Marg first glimpsed her Musik-Hero – Clive Nolan – in October last, nobody is impressed. Along the main drag towards the station once more, we lose Howard and Bernard, not clever, Biala Malpa is in a lane off the main street. Craig volunteers to wait at the entrance to guide them in. Where is Dr. Stan, Kenny? Only Yvonne, Mags and Hector are at the Bar. The Taps are aplenty, there are but four Pump clips. WTF?

katowice-bier-traveller-21You have no Bier! Hector is in the shit.

It is arriving just now.

When will it go on?

Soon.

Available soon? Hector spots a Bottle in t’Fridge, an IPA. It is warm, just in. This is the most famous Pub in Katowice, Joe is texted, he must suffer too.

From the Available Four – Do you have something light, hoppy? Mein Host pours a sample of a Black Bier. No thanks. Draught Belgian Bier in Polska? Brugs Witte has to suffice, a Hoegarden Variant. Mags and Yvonne follow suit, Craig appears, he sits this out. Hector is in Deep Shit.

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katowice-bier-traveller-13Dr. Stan and Kenny arrive, Bernard and Howard realise they have lost us… The Pump clips appear, slowly we find Quality Polish Bier. Now, Dear Reader, Hector has to admit that for the remainder of Fahren de Polen, the accurate Bier-Reporting will be dependent on photos of the Bier. The Trusty Samsung packed in, Factory Reset, data lost. Total Shit.

Even Craig found a Hoppy Bier he liked, the afternoon was improving as each Tap was restored. The Bottles had time to chill, the IPA. Imperial CitraIPA – in – The Style. No Rowing Jack here, they had it in bottles last visit. Kenny calls it a day; he is not right. The afternoon progresses, slowly, a sensible pace. Two Venues promised for later, Robert, Mein Host at Browariat, is expecting us. C4 is en route. Curry-Heute, the last remaining Katowice Curry Source remains unblogged. Nobody else fancies Curry. What is wrong with these people? Hector suggest the others try Krysztalowa, Ladies, do not order – The Ribs!

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No Curry-Heute

katowice-bier-traveller-29Krysztalowa impressed so much when Hector dined with Marg, Curry was abandoned, let’s Dine. A table for eight please. Doris and Bert were taken aback. We were asked to wait. Mein Hostess came from a different direction and welcomed us warmly. We were escorted to the Main Dining Room where two tables had now been set together. Who ordered Wine? The Ladies. Who ordered The Ribs? – The Ladies.

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Howard ordered something Steak-like, The Waiter tied a Bib around his throat, sorry, neck. What did he know? Has knowledge of Howard’s lack of table etiquette reached Silesia? Craig ordered Soup, he raved about it.

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Perogi, Dumplings, to share. Hector was not falling for ordering this Starter then try to follow with a Main, impossible. Dr. Stan would share, Bernard ordered a whole portion. Golombki as The Main, with Tomato Sauce, as eaten since 1962-ish. Time to remind Dr. Stan that Golombki was Dr. Rick’s Favourite Polish Dish. The Waiter apologises, not enough Golombki. We flip the order, have it to share as a Starter, full portion of Dumplings to follow. The Ladies struggled from the off with the Ribs, the accompanying Potatoes, the Side Cabbage. Who wants some? QED.

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Howard showed the World that he has mastered the use of Eating Irons. Why The Bib? Howard remains the focus of attention, he can cope. Meanwhile those here for the first time are loving the service, the ambience, the décor. We are in the set of a 1950s Spy Novel. The Bill comes. This place, like the Milk Bars, must be Government Subsidised, the Prices are artificially – low. The Chaps paid Pennies, The Ladies paid for their wine, who else had a glass? Not Hector, Bier was calling.

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C4 was located through the dingy underpass around the corner from Kryzstalowa, it is now a posh – Rum Bar. Consider Biala Malpa had not produced the goods and this was my fall-back…

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Browariat

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Robert greeted us as we entered, did we stand out that much? I had Curry for dinner tonight in your honour. Why didn’t he invite me? In Browariat there is Bier. The Taps had doubled from four to eight, something for everyone. For some, Bedtime was rapidly approaching. The Literature caught the imagination of The Chaps. CAMBA we all know from our Easter Trip to München. FourPure’s Wheat Bier was available on Tap, it was at this very place last October when I sampled my first Bermondsey Ale, tonight I had to have some Artezan IPA having had it at source. Paranoid Citrus IPA at 6.5% had to be sampled, as ever we were – chasing the Hop.

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Robert showed us his roof terrace where Hops were growing in pots. Have you ever considered making Bier from Methi? – I had to ask. The answer was in the negative, however, the seed was planted I hope.

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The numbers dwindled, Howard and Hector were left with Dr. Stan. We thought we were leaving when Robert insisted we share a bottle of Vorsicht Hopfen at 7.0%

Hector escorted Howard back to Hotel Katowice. Beware of Ladies twirling red umbrellas, they want you to go to places where trouble awaits, and no doubt Crap Bier at Exorbitant prices.

The Bars and Restaurant visited today:

Browariat  –  Francuska 11 40-015 Katowice
Biala Malpa  –  3 Maja 38 40-097 Katowice
Krysztalowa  –  ul Warszwawska 5 Katowice

And so to Krakow.

 

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